fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
