Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
