Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
