My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
