dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize