i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
