how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
