You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize