the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
