Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize