Just fell off a train. Bad.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
