We won't sleep together?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
