So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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