umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
