i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
