He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
