It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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