apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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