evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
