C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
