need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
