filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
