This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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