I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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