This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
