You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
