Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So squirting runs in the family.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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