I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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