So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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