i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
