escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
