What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
