I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
