Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize