I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
