Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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