oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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