Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
