we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
