the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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