3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
