Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
