3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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