Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
is it fun? or sober?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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