Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
