small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
