I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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