Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
