it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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