I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
