My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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