HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
