Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
