I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
