8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
