your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
