She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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