I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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