I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
