No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
