just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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