I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
