Screwed.edu
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
