Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
