I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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