if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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