you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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