Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
